Around eight months old, Jeremiah started to become markedly more independent. He started crawling and could better entertain himself. He was eating finger foods with ease and drinking from a sippy cup. His likes and dislikes became increasingly clearer as he was better able to communicate his preferences. My baby became a toddler! As the month waned on, I felt more like myself pre-baby. I was finally able to cook a meal and not just throw something together. Getting household tasks done didn’t seem so daunting. For the first time, I felt in control of my time and not subject to the whimsy of an infant. Just as Jeremiah became independent, I finally felt like I was my own person again. While this may happen at various times for other moms, I’m sure you know that feeling I’m talking about.
I was on a euphoric high – cooking dinner, baking dessert, keeping my house clean, entertaining Jeremiah, basically living the life of a Stepford wife. Then it hit me, a tiny little voice in the back of my mind saying “maybe I could handle another baby right now.” Don’t get too excited. This is not an announcement that we’re trying to get pregnant. It was just a fleeting thought, a momentary lapse of reason. In our culture, having a baby is glamorized and romanticized so much that it’s even engrained in me when I just had a baby and know how hard it really is. There is no way I’m ready to start back over with a newborn. While I might have had hallucinations that I was ready, I know that I’m not. They say that people forget what it’s like to have a baby or they wouldn’t have more than one. Now I can honestly say that I know what that means.